Loner?

I went for a 3 hour walk last night from midnight until 3am. I don't really know why. I just knew that I had to get out of the house and I really had no where to go. I ended up at a Tim Hortons since it was so late and I hadn't slept in 20 hours already, I needed some serious cafienation. I like walking at night without my glasses because in the blurry darkness it's hard to focus on anything. It's good for letting you escape into your own thoughts without distractions from passing cars or cats on their own midnight strolls.

By the time I ended up at Tim Hortons I had started to think about the people in my life. I'm not a loner but sometimes I think I'd like to be. I've started alienating myself from the people I work with. I work with a group of 5 other people and I actually managed to go a whole week without seeing any of them. Wasn't hard either. I hadn't actually planned on it. Just couldn't bring myself to pretend I like them. I tend to spend all my time in another department from the one I actually work for and I don't mind 'most' of them. And they are usually out anyway. I even stopped taking my coffee and lunch breaks so that I don't have to talk with the people from my department.

I really wish I had a point to make with all this. Most of the people on my MSN don't talk to me now because I've seperated myself from most of them and now I'm doing the same thing at work. I'm very close with my friends and the hand full of people on my MSN that I still talk to. The people that I talk to on MSN probably have no idea how much I appreciate what they have to say. Even if I seem like I don't care sometimes, I want them to know that I'm honestly interested. I'm tired of listening to story after story of my coworkers cheating on their wives and getting high and all the glory days of drunken driving and petty vandilism.

It has nothing to do with my ego. I don't think that I am better than these people. They have families to take care of and are in control of every aspect of their lives. I on the other hand live with room mates so I don't even pay for the house on my own. I have no wives to look after, no children to raise. My responsibilities are few and far between and for that I should take notes from my coworkers. But I am still an adult and I think it's time I stopped pretending to like people because others think I should. I think your friends say a lot about the person you are. I might not like who I am but I'm sure as hell trying to become better. It's a good sign that I can reject relationships like the ones I've made with my coworkers.

(And I'm not trying to be melodramatic. It just comes off that way when you talk about something as saturated as a disliking of people. There are a few I don't mind after all. Just letting you all know that I'm not a sociopath that wants to take his anger out on the general public. Anyone that truly knows me that I still have my childlike side that will strike up a conversation of nonsense with strangers should the urge hit me.)