Happy confused!

Okay I don't get it. The last week has been the hardest for me to walk ever. I couldn't lift either foot, I couldn't move a single toe. My left leg refused to stay under my body and would drag to the side and my right foot would point in which made balancing very hard... then it stopped.

Actually it stopped 3 hours ago. I did what I always do when the paralysis goes of course. I went for a run. I'm sitting here now very sweaty and out of breath and full of gateraid after a good 30 minute run. And actually most of that was a walk. Hey, I've barely walked in 5 months. Lets see how far you can run!

Anyway, this time it feels different. I mean, my legs and feet hurt now from the run since they've barely moved in months, but the over all feeling of my feet and legs is different than the last few times the paralysis went away. Those times my feet would still feel heavy and when I ran those times it was like running through molasses. But right now they feel... normal.

Lately I've wanted nothing more than to move my feet normally. Yes, I'd have to get a job (since disability doesn't pay to healthy folks). I've been so afraid that I won't be able to kick around a soccer ball anymore or carry a girl to my bed or dance on my wedding night one day. I can't gaurantee that my feet won't stop working again in a few hours but I'm going to ride this high as long as I can. And I mean seriously, I think I'm on a natural high from this. Walking has been torture all week both physically and mentally and if it's all gone... wow.

I want to be healthy. That psychiatrist appointment I mentioned before: I'm keeping it. If my legs start working properly I'm going to excersize every day and I'm going to eat right and get big and strong and all that good stuff that makes the girls melt and then I'm going to see my shrink and become the well adjusted person I should be. You know, feel all the emotions and all that. And if my feet are still working tomorrow, I'm running to the bus station and going down to the college I'm signing up for and actually signing up. They won't read it for 2 weeks but I don't care. Yeah... I really do feel high. Crazy. It's already almost 2:30am and I don't know how I'm going to get to sleep... I'll do pushups until I pass out. Night ya'll!