First comic is online?!

Holy moly! How did that happen!? I might have had something to do with it. But yes, the rumors are true. My first Sideways Happyface comic is officially on the interweb! I know nothing about making websites so I was finally able to create this temporary one and I've now put it on my room mates shoulders to learn the PHP neccessary for doing the website I drew up. That way I can just worry about the comics. Anyway, I'm sure you've all seen this first one and I don't care. It's not the best that it could be because I've actually colored it in 5 times so I'm sick of it. But now it's done and on the interweb so enjoy!


The site is at http://www.sidewayshappyface.net

I getted the job.

Ugh, my blog is getting so bland. I'm gonna start throwing more pictures in here very soon. I would now but I'm a lazy so-and-so.

Right so that job I mentioned in the last post: I got it! Crazyness. But I'm not allowed to take it for at least 4-6 weeks. My doctor checked me out and doesn't think I'm better yet. He's hoping that I can have a few weeks incidence free before going back to work (and to gain back the muscle mass I lost in my legs) but so far I haven't even had a single day incident free so it's not looking so good. Not only that, this is a full time job that will take me out of the city for days at a time and I can't do that if I plan to be in school in january. It's sad but I'll get other sweet jobs... like doctor. :D

Speaking of school. I still haven't gotten my long term disability check (I hate my boss) so I still haven't had the 50 dollar deposit fee that I need to register for school but my momma gave me some money to buy food until my check comes and well, I'm going to put some of that towards registering. I gotta get registered before all the good classes are taken after all.

And now you're all up to date on my life... I wish it took longer than 2 paragraphs to do that.

Pwease let me get this job!

Peoples, I have a lesson for you all! Don't settle when it comes to your job! Seriously, even if you're only going to have the job for a month, make sure it's something you're going to love doing. It's a great feeling. Last summer I quit 4 jobs before find my ultrasonic technition job (which was amazing fun) and yesterday I spent the whole day lookin' in papers for jobs and none of them seemed to exciting (Except for one executive job but I didn't come anywhere close to the qualifications) but I am 'this' close to getting another job in non-destructive testing. Essentially I will spray magnaflux (powder mix of phosphorus and metals) onto welds to make sure there are no cracks in it. Okay, sounds boring I know BUT where I get to do the job... whoo! Some days I'll have to drive down to red deer and get mad moneys just to drive there and do an hours work and then drive back and make even more money and then on other days I might have to go to BC to test it. How do I get there?! PRIVATE PLANE! Odds are I won't get this job but man I want it! Wish me lucks!

Fwaa?

Okay so now my feet work again... I'm gonna just mind my own until it all figures itself out.

I'm never sleeping again.

Well, woke up this morning and my feet are back to what they were two days ago. Never sleeping again. I swear.

24 hours!

Well, it's been an entire day since my feet started to work and they are going strong. For like 30 minutes earlier my left foot sort of stopped working which was sort of scary but it started up again so I was happy. I've been on 3 runs now and my legs very much hurt. The last one was more of a walk actually because it hurt so much but it's so nice being able to move properly. And it's probably just my usual denial but it really feels like my feet are going to stay working. Part of that is just refusing to let them crap out on me again. If they think they are going to just lie down on the job, think again! Of course, if they do crap out I'll write about it but if not... I'll probably still mention it. But I won't run a tab like every day or anything. I'll let it go. Anyway, I'm tired so I'mma sleep. Night

Happy confused!

Okay I don't get it. The last week has been the hardest for me to walk ever. I couldn't lift either foot, I couldn't move a single toe. My left leg refused to stay under my body and would drag to the side and my right foot would point in which made balancing very hard... then it stopped.

Actually it stopped 3 hours ago. I did what I always do when the paralysis goes of course. I went for a run. I'm sitting here now very sweaty and out of breath and full of gateraid after a good 30 minute run. And actually most of that was a walk. Hey, I've barely walked in 5 months. Lets see how far you can run!

Anyway, this time it feels different. I mean, my legs and feet hurt now from the run since they've barely moved in months, but the over all feeling of my feet and legs is different than the last few times the paralysis went away. Those times my feet would still feel heavy and when I ran those times it was like running through molasses. But right now they feel... normal.

Lately I've wanted nothing more than to move my feet normally. Yes, I'd have to get a job (since disability doesn't pay to healthy folks). I've been so afraid that I won't be able to kick around a soccer ball anymore or carry a girl to my bed or dance on my wedding night one day. I can't gaurantee that my feet won't stop working again in a few hours but I'm going to ride this high as long as I can. And I mean seriously, I think I'm on a natural high from this. Walking has been torture all week both physically and mentally and if it's all gone... wow.

I want to be healthy. That psychiatrist appointment I mentioned before: I'm keeping it. If my legs start working properly I'm going to excersize every day and I'm going to eat right and get big and strong and all that good stuff that makes the girls melt and then I'm going to see my shrink and become the well adjusted person I should be. You know, feel all the emotions and all that. And if my feet are still working tomorrow, I'm running to the bus station and going down to the college I'm signing up for and actually signing up. They won't read it for 2 weeks but I don't care. Yeah... I really do feel high. Crazy. It's already almost 2:30am and I don't know how I'm going to get to sleep... I'll do pushups until I pass out. Night ya'll!

So... should I be scared again or what?

All my doctors told me that if the paralysis isn't progressing, I shouldn't have anything to worry about. Generally stable paralysis can be cured once it's figured out (with a few exceptions like B12 defficiencies if not found soon enough) so I've barely thought about it for months. Well, until 2 days ago.

I guess it's started up again. At least, something noticable happened in the last few days in any case. For the last 4 months I haven't been able to lift my feet or move my toes except I could still lift my big toes and sort of lift the inside of my foot off the ground a bit. The last two days my left toe has been getting weaker and weaker and finally last night I couldn't lift it anymore and when I woke this morning my right toe was just about the exact same, except I could still lift it a few mm's off the ground. Here, 9 hours later, it's pretty much gone still as well.

So what am I supposed to do anyway? My psychiatrist has already ruled that it's not in my head but my neurologist seems to have wiped his hands of me. I'm seeing my family doctor next week because it was the soonest I could get in but he said that if I call every day after 10 I might be able to get a cancelation so I guess we'll see.

Dear Briana.

Any of you that read this that talk to Briana, please send this message along. I doubt very much that she still reads my blog as she tends to run away from everything that doesn't make her happy. Yeah, it's childish I know but what can you do.

Stop telling people that I'm the one that cut you out of my life when infact you cut me out of your life. Obviously one of us has to be a bad person in this case and it's only fair that everyone knows it was you.

Thanks.

Michael

Psychiatrist appointment.

I just got home from the Psychiatrists office. She has officially decided that I'm not just sick in the head. My bilateral foot drop isn't psychosamatic. But she has decided that even though my physical symptoms aren't a result of my mental state, she still thinks I need to see her again. I told her I don't need councelling and she said "I knew you were going to say that" and booked the appointment anyway for a month from today. I'm supposed to consider the idea for a whole month before deciding yes or no and she said I'm not allowed to cancel it until a few days before the appointment so that I can't just cancel it today and forget about it.

I understand that I'm somewhat damaged and yes, I can accept that maybe it's worse than I let on but I don't want to experience it all over again. She had me name a few times that I had gotten angry and I brought up a time in grade 7 when a friend punched me in the eye and I punched him back and then a few times when I was younger. It was all I could really think of. She said that any other person could have named several in the last few months and I couldn't even do that. She asked what I did when my best friend cut me out of her life and I finally got to talk to her a month after that (which ended very badly where she hated me worse and I blocked and deleted her from my MSN) and I told her that after words I logged off MSN and read a book I got from the library on parasites. She said its easier for me to cut things and people out of my life than it is for me to get angry at them. At first she thought I couldn't feel any emotions but at the end she said she was wrong. I feel happy and anxious and all that good stuff but I've intellectualized all the negative feelings to the point where I've devalued everything that happened in my past. I told her that lots of people have had worse upbringings and she said "No, some people have had worse but yours is worse than a lot of peoples and you try to take it the best." She said lots of people are emotionally damaged from 1 event in their childhood and I have 12 years of physical abuse that I've pushed down so far I can barely remember most of my child hood.

I don't really know why I'm writing all this down. There was a lot more but I'm not good at saying all this stuff. I don't know. If this post ends up getting deleted, you'll all know why.

I miss the sexy car.

I had such a great day today. I woke up and helped my room mate steam clean the carpet (and by help, I mean I watched him do all the work) when the phone rang.

"Gasp!" I cried out. "The phone is the ringing!" I ran to the wall and pulled it off the hook.

"Only you can save us!" The voice in the phone said. "Go on this journey and you will be rewarded!"

Basically my step dad called me from work (a ford dealership) and said they needed someone to get dropped off in Calgary and drive a brand new 2006 blue Mustang back to edmonton and they would pay the guy 125 bucks to do it. What a great car. Normally I don't care about cars but I had never driven one before. My current car starts rattling to all hell when I get up around 120km/hr but this mustang did 180 without flinching. I would have tried to go faster but too many folks around and the limit was 90. And I hate speeding anyway. But whoo!

No toilets.

I seriously have to pee and I don't want to move. I have 4 people sitting around me while I type and they are blocking the way too the toilet.

The 3 Day Novel Contest!

13 hours have passed since the 3 Day Novel Contest started and I'm well on my way to something amazing. At least, in my opinion I am. For those of you who don't know about the contest, it's something started in vancouver and is open to anyone in the world. However it does cost 50 bucks to enter and you had to be payed before August 31'st. But no worries, I payed by then. So anyway, at midnight on friday the contest starts and goes for the entire long weekend ending monday night at 8 and you get the last 4 hours to edit. A lot of this works on the honor system but they do have a good idea of who cheated and who didn't. They can't always tell but when someone mails in a 1000 page story for 3 days of work, they know something is up. On average the stories range from 90-150 pages but most of them are about an even 100. So far my story is only 12 pages long which is one page an hour but if I do only one page an hour for the entire thing I'll still end up with 72 pages which is pretty good. Though I anticipate that once I get goin' in this story I'll be doing a couple pages an hour. It's a little crazy for me though since I've never written anything in my life. But I always wanted to (its in my life list I wrote months ago on this blog) and dammit, here we go. Anyway, I'm done my lunch now so back to the novel. Wish me lucks!